Argylle:  Not Quite Bad as That Tacky Sweater

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MOVIE INFO VIA ROTTEN TOMATOES:

Bryce Dallas Howard (Jurassic World franchise) is Elly Conway, the reclusive author of a series of best-selling espionage novels, whose idea of bliss is a night at home with her computer and her cat, Alfie. But when the plots of Elly’s fictional books–which center on secret agent Argylle and his mission to unravel a global spy syndicate–begin to mirror the covert actions of a real-life spy organization, quiet evenings at home become a thing of the past. Accompanied by Aidan (Oscar® winner Sam Rockwell), a cat-allergic spy, Elly (carrying Alfie in her backpack) races across the world to stay one step ahead of the killers as the line between Elly’s fictional world and her real one begins to blur.

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REVIEW:

I was relieved that Argylle wasn’t terrible but just half-bad.  Mathew Vaughn has made an intermittent spy satire that’s too long at 139 minutes, baffling for a third, annoying for a third, and an enjoyable romp for the other.  In its attempt to jest everything in spy films, it must beat everything human and plot wise within an inch of its life. 

Bryce Dallas Howard plays Elly Conway (or is she?) the cat lady author of a series of the James Bond clone novels that track the adventures of superspy Argylle (Henry Cavill).  In order to overcome her writer’s block Elly takes a trip to see her mother (Catherine O’Hara).  Or is she her mother?  She encounters a real spy Aidan (Sam Rockwell), in shaggy dog disguise.  Globetrotting mayhem and plot twists ensues.  Argylle will be trotted out in fantasy sequences whenever the two get into sticky widget situations and need an improbable spy escape that only she can dream up- stuff that reflects actual events.  

Argylle’s main problem- aside from its long run time, shabby fight choreography, slipshod CGI that features a Grumpy Cat clone, and occasionally annoying fizziness- is that it can’t keep up with the brain cramping absurdity of its own twisty plot.  Suspenion of disbelief can only be expected so many times before it dies in the audience’s mind.  That and the new Beatles song Now and Then splatters the soundtrack with misguided regularity. 

Rockwell and Howard make a fine romantic duo, but Argylle’s  plot twists never allow them to settle down and fully connect. Some fine comic actors- O’Hara and John Cena– are left mugging through some undercooked bits.  The cameos from Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, Rob Delaney and Richard E. Grant are the only things that stick, and they are one, done and gone forever things.

The film is overstuffed with bits that flat out die or just wonk along.  The buildups are generally staid, while the endings have comic wallop and imagination.  Too bad most of the audience has given up before the punchlines come.  There’s a stupid but undeniably fun movie waiting to no avail to be cut to 90 minutes or less inside Argylle. Is Vaughn smart enough to give it to us in some future de-cut?

Argylle is good-bad enough to get plausible deniability from Taylor Swift herself being the author.  It gets a charitable score for Vaughn’s past work of 3.0/5 or a B.  Stream it or not on Apple TV +. 

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CREDITS:

Directed by

Matthew Vaughn

Written by

Jason Fuchs

Produced by

• Matthew Vaughn
• Adam Bohling
• David Reid
• Jason Fuchs

Starring

• Henry Cavill
• Bryce Dallas Howard
• Sam Rockwell
• Bryan Cranston
• Catherine O’Hara
• Dua Lipa
• Ariana DeBose
• John Cena
• Samuel L. Jackson

Cinematography

George Richmond

Edited by

• Lee Smith
• Tom Harrison-Read
• Col Goudie

Music by

Lorne Balfe

Production

companies

• Apple Original Films
• Marv Studios
• Cloudy Productions

Distributed by

• Universal Pictures
• Apple Original Films (through Apple TV+)

Release dates

• January 24, 2024(Odeon Luxe Leicester Square)
• February 1, 2024(United Kingdom)
• February 2, 2024(United States)

Running time

139 minutes[1]

Countries

• United Kingdom
• United States

Language

English

Budget

$200 million

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